Square one

Emotionally, I feel like I have been put in a metal barrel and rolled down a hill.

I feel like my identity, thoughts, and emotions have all become untrustworthy, leaving me no guidance on what feelings to trust or what to do. I feel very literally like I have lost my mind; I don’t know which fragments are the healthy seed crystals to begin reconstituting an identity from and which are toxic waste that need to be expelled or wrapped in an unreactive layer to advance that rebuilding process.

I feel like just being so distressed is costing me my only hope at a future, but there is also no way out of these omni-crises without expressing these feelings somehow.

[Edit: 1:09pm] I am not and have not at any point in this crisis been suicidal. No actions based on the assumption that I am or could be are justified. I emphatically do not want any strangers checking on my welfare, and any such imposition would only worsen matters.

Author: Milan

In the spring of 2005, I graduated from the University of British Columbia with a degree in International Relations and a general focus in the area of environmental politics. Between 2005 and 2007 I completed an M.Phil in IR at Wadham College, Oxford. I worked for five years for the Canadian federal government, including completing the Accelerated Economist Training Program, and then completed a PhD in Political Science at the University of Toronto in 2023. View all posts by Milan