The need to make a decision about school is approaching quickly, and I am feeling uncertain about it.
Indirectly, my experience in Toronto since September is cause for some humility. It hasn’t been at all as I expected it to be. This shows that I have a limited ability to correctly guess what the consequences of big choices will be, even in very general terms. It’s hard not to feel a bit unmoored as a result of that, especially when trying to make a choice with five or more years of direct consequences and lifelong indirect ones.
It has been clear for years that what I am doing now isn’t working. It won’t lead to the kind of life that will be satisfying for me, or a good use of whatever eclectic combination of abilities I possess. I do remember feeling more directed and less aimless while in school. Perhaps those feelings will return if I go back for a doctorate.
I suppose the choice really isn’t so difficult. Continuing with what I have been doing isn’t possible. My attempts to find a climate-related job were singularly unsuccessful. By process of elimination, school is the obvious remaining candidate. Still, I wish I felt more confidence about it.